If I Were King: How I Would Solve the Homeless (and the Religion) Problem
August 7, 2007

All over America churches are being built.

Millions and millions of square feet of valuable property are being gobbled up by private institutiions that say they are doing God's work. But what do they actually do?

Two things:

First they produce events and literature whose purpose is to persuade their customers that they are the best place to invest their spiritual capital. Each institution has its own unique selling proposition. They are usually very good at selling that.

Second, they collect revenues by either charging for these events and literature or by giving them away for free and then requesting contributions at some other time. They are usually very good at this critically important part of any business.

What separates them from other businesses that profess to do good (including ETR) is that they don't have to pay the US government taxes on the income they make. As religions, they are tax-exempt organizations.

If you belong to a religon, you usually believe that your church deserves this tax-free treatment because you believe its USP: that they are doing good is some special way that is better than the next church down the block. Yet when you hear about religions whose practices don't appeal to you (such as beheading chickens or worshipping satan or stoning young girls who won't marry whoever their brothers choose for them) you think: they shouldn't get tax-free exemption because they are not really a true religion. They are a scam business in spiritual clothing.

It is a tough thing to sort out: who deserves tax exempt status?

For many years I have tried to understand Scientology. As best as I can tell it's sort of a kooky, whacky version of ETR. Hundreds of thousands of people who have banded together to make themselves healthier, wealthier and wiser. Only difference is L Ron Hubbard and his crew don't have to pay taxes.

I have been thinking of converting ETR into a religion. I'd like the tax benefits and I'd be very happy to invest the money the way most religions do: into real estate.

Religions in America have ammassed enormous wealth through the government's tax-free real estate acquisition scheme. ETR could really benefit from that.

The trouble is: what would I do with all that church property? When I look around at other churches in America, it's plain to see that most of the churches are unoccupied most of the time. That doesn't seem like a good use of space.

If ETR becomes a religion, we are going to have to fill that space somehow. Hmm.

The other problem I have with becoming a religion is that I don't want to be a god or even a demigod or a prophet. I've thought about it, but it's just not for me.

What I'd like to be, if you must know, is to be king.

And if I were king, I might be able to solve that vacancy problem. Here's how:

To retain their tax-free status, I'd tell churches that they have to change their primary purpose. Instead of spending 80% of their time and money convincing the faithful to cough up more money, they should become institutions to house and feed the poor. All that church space should be turned into homeless shelters. And all those preachers and rabis and imams and ministers should be required to spend 80% of the time ministering to the poor. By ministering I mean teaching them, not filling their heads with guilt and foolish notions.

The poor and homeless should be required to stay off the streets. No more begging. Addicted homeless should be kept locked up and given the drugs they want until they die. Crazy homeless would be given whatever treatment they needed, but would not be let out without supervision by a proven-to-be trustworthy, non-crazy homeless person. The only street beggars allowed would be certified poor people who have taken and passed courses on sidewalk entertainment such as dancing, singing, playing musical instruments and painting yourself up like the Statue of Liberty.

They would also be permitted to sell artwork in approved places. Also knock-off designer leather goods, watches, perfumes and jewelry, except that they would be required to pay a royalty to the brands they were knocking off.

I think that's about it. Oh, yes. Tax exempt status would be denied churches whose clergy are not allowed to marry or whose doctrines permit spousal abuse.

posted by M. Masterson @ 2:06 PM,

9 Comments:

At 3:08 PM, Anonymous Melin said...

May I suggest you look at local laws. The churches arent allowed to help the poor. So before you go on and on about how bad churches are maybe you should talk about changing local laws. All the red tape is insane. Some cities you cant even give poor people money. Its not a homeless (religion) problem its a government problem.

 
At 11:17 PM, Blogger Joanne said...

I love that you're musing publicly about being king and creating a reality more suited to your belief system. How else are we going to change our current world, if not imagine a new one. I too have been doing this, with my "5 things my grandchildren will say"post. I'd love to hear your five.
Blessings
The Nourisher

 
At 1:17 AM, Anonymous Paul said...

Hi Michael,

I just want to mention to you that the God of the bible is spelled with a capital letter G.

 
At 7:01 AM, Anonymous Peter A Lopez said...

I live in Australia and run my own businesses. I am also a director in a hospital (free hospital) project in Africa and have through the efforts of individuals in churches been able to help develop a hospital that we envisage will service 50,000 people a year. All work, materials and efforts to date donated mostly by Christians. We have commitments from nurses, doctors to go and work at their own expense. The idea that any individual can solve complex and intractable problems is folly. Having traveled extensively and having had to deal with complex social problems is not an easy task. I know of very talented people that do this all the time, one of which raised 5 billion dollars in loans to deal with problems in Burundi and to initiate programs to improve trade. Churches historically have a realistic sense of the complexities of creating infrastructure and of raising the standards of living and education around the world. Contrary to populist ideologies I see wherever I go plenty of committed Christians doing work which is thankless and often critisized (negatively). The Church is instrumental in fomenting equality to all mankind, regardless of station in life. I often see Churches standing in for the rights of the poor and destitute and doing something about it. It is easy to throw stones at churches. The world is full of talented and uncommitted people that believe that policy can change everything. Julius Cesar was an example he believed that if you build the right institutions they would change society, as opposed to Jesus who changed men who changed society. History shows that character is more important than wealth. I too have experienced success in business and in life. Success materially seems to be the focus of many, but to be really successful our legacy must extend beyond ourselves. Even Warren Buffet recognized this though at the sunset of his life. In the end is not what we accumulate its what we give that counts. Next time we throw stones at the Church it may pay to consider that the same stone can be used to build someone a dwelling.

 
At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I understand this type of thinking, regarding a certain religious faction(s). Just recently, I was going to do a joint venture (in real estate) with someone of (self proclaimed) religious values. He kept talkiong about his "group" representing a "Kingdom of Wealth" and how they were "doing God's work". He said "Imagine a whole kingdom of people, our people, living in our building, buying from our stores, living with the word of God as there leader and savior."

Now, I may not be the broghtest lightbulb in the factory, but that sounded very wrong. And it made me wonder which God they were worshipping. I'm all for wealth, buiulding wealth, and helping others, but this sounded like more of the same BS we see coning out of a feudal system. In fact, I'll venbture to go as far as Fascist (Fascism). When church and state come together, I believe that the people/citizens are in trouble. There will no longer be the ability of accel and accumulate wealth. Why? Because it all has to be approved by the king (of the Kingdom).

If the church wants to do good, they can help people help themselves. I always thought a nonprofit business was where they worked for their proceeds and helped by giving charity. Maybe I'm naive and missed that one when it was being explained - the 2nd time round.

I believe in God; The power of prayer; Having a belief, and more. I also believe that religion, especially some of these mega-churches, are taking it beyond what it was suppose to be and corrupting people into believing that "if I follow this guy, and do what they tell me to do, then I'll be rich and powerful as well." I can see the need for good advise. People always have questions and look for answers. But when I hear the connotation "Kingdom of Wealth" (KofW), I hear something more devious. Again, I'm for building wealth, but also for giving a sizable portion back to the people. So far, I don't see these mega-religions doing that, by only helping their own and "like minded people." Which brings me back to the person who originally told me about a certain group of people buuilding a KofW and why he was inquiring also of my own spiritual journey. "Was I good enough for him?" "Did I follow the same principals as him?" I just wanted to do a real estate deal. He wanted to control it from start to finish and (come to find out) pay me 25% for my efforts. Needless to say, I found a different partner and we have split it appropriately. When I originally backed out (with the 1st person), they said I was making a big mistake by not keeping it within the "right" means.

Having said all this, the religious movement in this country has it's good points(?) and also what I consider to be it's bad points. So far, I see many more bad points arrising. The good ones haven't changed.

 
At 2:43 PM, Anonymous Andrew said...

Religion is abused and religious people do bad things.

Enlightenment is abused and Enlightened people do bad things.

Maybe the problem is people?!

Maybe the solution is not to rob them of their religious freedom when you think you've got a better idea, as you have advocated in your fantasy. Maybe there is no solution and we just have to live in the real world.

Love your provocative writing!

 
At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Scientology was recognized by the IRS as a valid religion. A David Miscavige has been running Scientology into the ground since L Ron Hubbard died in 1986. If you are really interested in the valid technology that L Ron Hubbard developed you need to do a search under "Freezone Scientology".
In the Freezone we use Hubbard's valid technology without the church's stranglehold and abuse.

 
At 8:11 PM, Anonymous Greg Ryan said...

Your take on life (on this side) is dead on.

I have been reading your ETR daily for over a year and your wisdom has helped me become a better person.

You have helped motivate me to take an idea I have and market it.

This idea centers around my God, Jesus Christ of the Bible. For over 4 years I have struggled with this idea because I determined I was selling Christ's death for $5.00 a shirt.

While struggling with whether or not to even pursue this idea, I have discovered that what most churches "market" is the example you gave in your essay.

When Jesus walked on Earth He made plenty of people mad (some mad enough to kill Him). But in all He did and said, He backed it up with miracles, signs and wonders. (Hard to argue with raising the dead and blind eyes opening)

Jesus said in John 14:12:
Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father.

If the church used the above verse as a standard of practice and expected its members to perform at the level Jesus set, we would not be having this discussion.

He was an incredible teacher, but a much better friend and fellow human being. Jesus was God, but He was also man. I don't understand all of that, (thank God I don't have to know it all) I just have to believe.

Jesus turned over the money- changers tables (I think) more because of where they choose to do business. (In God’s Temple)

The Church Jesus set up, heals lives and sets men free not for a price, but by faith.

Thank you for ETR keep up the good work, maybe we will meet some day at one of your workshops.

 
At 1:34 AM, Anonymous Liz Ursitti said...

I am so glad to find you have a blog, Michael! I just got back online after being offline for the past two years.

I'm glad, too, that you wrote what you did as it makes folks think, at the very least. And that is something we all need to do more of, I believe.

I don't understand about the problem being "local" laws. What locality was that, I wonder?

Like Greg, I try to follow the man, Jesus. (A tough act to follow!) As long as we don't try to be perfect, just the best we can, maybe we are ok. I learned perfectionism at my mother's knee, and it cost me a lot.

I don't know what to say about religion/homelessness. Especially religion. I did see a program on tv last year about curing homelessness. These people in New York City were putting folks into apartments (I believe the folks got Social Security Disability Income, as do I). So, they were able to pay rent (subsidized rent is best). Yep - having a home of any kind does, indeed, cure homelessness. Is it just too simple or what? I would surely love to hear what people think about that.

Bless you, Michael. I am working hard to get a copywriting business up and running by Jan. 2, 2008 after finishing the Basic copywriting course through AWAI. ETR turned me on to it.

 

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