More on Handling Persistent Bullies
March 7, 2007

"Bullies are all around you - at the office, in the parking lot, on the phone, and in line at the cash register," I wrote in a recent blog entry. Which means you have to learn how to deal with bullies just to get through an ordinary day.

"What does our personal experience teach us?" I wondered. "And can we apply the lessons we learn in our personal lives to making sense out of the aggressive actions people and countries around the world continue to take against each other?"

Read the rest of this article at Early To Rise

posted by M. Masterson @ 8:18 AM,

2 Comments:

At 7:21 PM, Anonymous Patricia Koehler said...

Hi,

I've been a lifelong learner for 43 years and today's article about bullying in business and today's re-read of the other earlier messages about bullying in business (and personal adult life) have finally seen the lightbulb go on.

I've not been looking to blame something or someone for any of my problems, but learning the lessons, I am seeing how I have been led in business and personal life because my bully-radar is basically off and this IS A HUGE PROBLEM FOR ME.

My daughter is actually watching a Simpsons rerun right now where Bart says, "It is time for the bombarded to become the bombadier."

I got to thinking about the qualities in me that lead people to think that I can be bullied and what example I need to set for my daughter.

I agree that people who do stand up yet get murdered for their efforts is not where I want to be. But quite frankly, I am in a lawsuit right now which has gone way too far the wrong way because the business bully on the other side has a bigger bully lawyer and is playing on the loopholes and "spirit of the law" breaking to meet unethical ends. I know that the right answer will come eventually and the justice will prevail in the court as well as in karma and I am completely human about assuming my responsibilities including talking about it to help others.

But my question is really about how far do we go to stop or steer clear of bullies and how do we keep from emulating some of the behaviors that are projected? In the situations where I am recognizing the bully, there has been initial trust and charm and cultivation of some common goals (i.e. partnering with someone to buy real estate or start a business) or some other reasonable qualities, but then "getting the message" in the middle, so to speak.
How does a person build an appropriate support system with a broken bully radar AND how does one keep from doing some of the things bullies do and not become one on some other level or in another situation?
The bullies I've met may not be bullies across the board. Or is it true that "the way you do one thing is the way you do everything?" (t.harv eker)
And how does one pick and choose? Is a bully to one person (or situation) that way because of the quality in the person being bullied and what is that quality called? Gullible? no, I don't think that is it.

Anyway, I listened to 5 minutes of news, too about the Scooter Libby case. His lawyer is filing a motion to Re-Try the case. Appeal is also mentioned. Presidential Pardon also mentioned in the same sentence as Presidential and Vice Presidential involvement and Libby taking the hit. All about bullying with information and wasting tons of dollars and time.

This bullying thing is way bigger than I am and I can't get my radar to work even a little bit.
This is the one area of business and politics and personal relationships that does not get enough ink and support. Even many so called "gurus" and helpers/mentors can be bullies. Don't get me wrong, I can tell "hard sell" and many "tricks" from bullying. I don't want someone whom I've paid for coach/mentor etc. to just yes me along. I am not talking about those qualities.

I am hoping for some honest discourse about this extremely real phenomena. Labeling it has been really enlightening today and I would like to resolve some things in my mind about it and move on without bringing more of it into my life.

Thanks for taking some time with this issue.

 
At 10:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michael,

Off topic... but your letter arrived in the mail today. I'm highly considering joining "The Eliete" meeting in April.

Nice touch sending the letter. I'm becoming more and more a fan of old-school direct mail everyday.

-R

 

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