A Short Lesson in Quality Advertising
February 9, 2007

In an Early to Rise article titled "A Short Lesson in Quality Advertising," I explained how hypey, hyperbolic copy can get big responses in the short term - but it doesn't make for big profits in the long term. I believe that sincerity is much more important for getting satisfied customers who will buy from you again and again.

Read that full article here. Then take a look, below, at two memos I wrote to the ETR marketing team in response to two very different ETR ads - and let me know which type of copy you prefer, both as a businessperson and as a customer.

Here's the first ad ...


Give Yourself a Nice Pay Raise - and a Three-Day Weekend, Every Weekend

By the end of this week, you can give yourself a pay raise. How does an extra $20/hr sound ... and schedule a few days vacation while you're at it!

After a month or two, how about another raise ... to $2,000 a week.

It's happening everywhere. Ordinary people - including folks who never finished school - starting their own businesses ... and making side incomes in the neighborhood of $40,000 ... $60,000 ... even $100,000 or more a year.

They're living the American Dream. Now it's time for you to start living it too.

And here's the memo about this ad that I sent to the ETR marketing team ...

This was well written ... except for the $2,000 claim (maybe too aggressive). The copy was reasonable, well said, and involving.

We need to write like this more often ...Good job.

Now, here's the second ad ...


Christmas - the "happiest time of the year" - is downright nasty business if you are strapped for cash. Every relative, associate, and friend expects some kind of gift out of you, not to mention the stuff you have to get for your own family.

You know the feeling ... it's enough to turn you into a regular Scrooge! Bah humbug, indeed!

Well here's your chance to have the best Christmas you'll ever have. I mean it. No stress, no worry, no hassle.

Just sweet Christmas memories that will last you and your family a lifetime.

In the next three minutes I'd like to show you exactly how you can pick up a nice little bundle of extra cash for the holidays.

Look, my mom used to tell me, "It's not what you get for Christmas that's important, it's what you give." Yeah, it sounded nice, until I hit the mall and spent the rest of the year paying for the warm, fuzzy feeling I got from giving to everyone.

Face it - the happy moments are well worn off about mid-July when you are still paying 21% interest for that $40 tie you bought your boss.

Now, I am not saying that Mom was wrong. No, she was right. Giving is the most important thing. And there is no doubt you get a thrill from seeing faces light up when you give them killer gifts. I love being someone's hero for a day ... and there is nothing sweeter than letting family know you love them with a well-thought-of, quality gift. It just makes you feel good all over.

Maybe the next best feeling in the world is shopping without being short on cash. Can you imagine! There are people out there that can walk into almost any store this time of year, pick out what they want, and slap down the cash for it. Man! Would that feel good or what?

That is what you could feel like this Christmas. I wonder how much cash you would need to enjoy that kind of shopping experience? Would an extra $1,000 do it for you? How about $2,500? Maybe $3,500 puts you closer to having a stress-free holiday? Or are you a big spender and need more like $7,000 to get the job done?

Whatever it is, you have the chance at having it in your hands before December 24th ... and yes I am talking about this year. Right now.

In fact, if you follow the advice in this letter, by this time next month you could be well on your way to the holiday experience of your dreams.

Please click here to read all the details on this amazing quick cash program.

P.S. We know that the holidays are just around the corner. So if you order in the next 72 hours we'll also send you a downloadable version of the entire program so you can get started TODAY.

And here is the memo I sent to the ETR marketing staff the following day - after the above ad ran ...

Yesterday, I sent you a memo about an ETR ad that was well written. It was driven by a compelling idea, and it was expressed in a human voice.

But this ad is, in my view, weak. It does not have a compelling idea (or a compelling story) and the voice is insincere. It is the voice of someone who is trying to sell something.

Do you see the difference I see?

It is a daunting task to write so many ads ... so we can't expect all of them to be strong. I'm critiquing them so we can all work together to improve them over time ... to make them stronger, more believable, and more beneficial to our readers.

When I consider these two ads, a few ideas that we've discussed suggest themselves to me:

1. ETR ads, like ETR articles, should contain one good and useful idea - some technique or strategy or tip or illustrative story that the reader can benefit from. This will create a feeling of reciprocity that might improve the response for that particular ad and will surely increase the responsiveness of the reader over the long term as he comes to trust ETR more and value its recommendations more highly.

2. ETR ads should be written in the same voice that our editorials are written in. What is that voice? This is a tough one, since we have many writers with different personalities. But I would like to see ETR's voice be - first and foremost - sincere. Without sincerity, you cannot build a relationship ... because you cannot develop trust without sincerity.

Second to sincerity, I'd like our voice to be confident. Not the cocky confidence that attempts to cover up self-doubt, but the sort of relaxed confidence that can only be gained from knowing, from experience, what one is talking about.

Third, I'd like our voice to be enthusiastic, because a good part of the good we do is to motivate our readers. Some critics denigrate "motivational writers," but I am proud to think that we could be providing this service to thousands of people who have, for whatever reason, become temporarily stalled in achieving their goals. In speaking or writing with an enthusiastic voice, we should always be sure that our enthusiasm is appropriate to the product or service that is being marketed. In other words, we must be sure that our enthusiasm is sincere - our first requirement in having the right voice.

posted by M. Masterson @ 7:00 AM,

13 Comments:

At 9:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michael Masterson,

Since we're on the topic of sincerity, I'd like to bring up a discrepancy I've noticed.

Many of the ads I've seen for programs such as the AWAI Accelerated Program make promises of tremendous demand and an easy lifestyle. However, occasionally I will read your repsonse to a reader who has complained of not being able to find business or acheive the success the program promises. Your advice is typically that they need to spend more time working. I've seen you write to one man that he needs to devote twenty hours on top of his full time job in order to truly acheive the results the ad promised.

Do you think that it is at all insincere or deceptive for ad copy to promise high demand and an easy lifestyle when the customer will actually have to devote countless hours toiling away to create anything approaching the success the ad promises?

The ad copy usually doesn't qualify itself by saying tons of time and work will be required before these benefits will be reaped. (http://www.thewriterslife.com/etrweb/)

 
At 10:35 AM, Anonymous KRINC@tampabay.rr.com said...

Another overriding disparage in that second ad is the tone of negativity.

ETR does a great job of exploring ways to improve one's lifestyle without specifically pointing out all the ways it might currently suck eggs.

(The 2007 Total Success Achievement Program ad is a good example of this.)

It is the natural instinct of most writers to make detailed comparisons of What Is vs. What Could Be to paint the portrait of possibilities and get the reader dreaming. However painting only the picture of "what could be" and letting the reader supply their own juxtaposition, is inherently more effective.

 
At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Nolan Matthias said...

Its interesting that the first ad actually caught my eye, yet the second one was hard to read through because I began to dismiss the claims which led me not to want to read any further. I think your three rules are the most important thing to take away from this. They just make sense.

Nolan M

 
At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Tom Justin said...

The once phrase that stands out in your second ad, the one that is most questionable, is, "no hassle."

When someone makes a switch to something new, there is going to be a hassle, even if just the learning curve. Those of us doing Internet marketing have found this out. My first paid training materials were thick and overwhelming with information. Easy or "no hassle" would not be accurate.

Hype with a bit of negative sell, which states that you "won't get rich overnight," etc., is appealing to me. I can see there's an attempt to be honest in the center or end of an otherwise hypie ad.

 
At 3:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like the first ad but felt it was too strong on promise in too short a time. Someone who is looking for success and has not had it, will have trouble believing they could be successful that quickly unless you give them concrete examples. The second one is an ad that a prospective customer could relate to, however, it comes across as passive which is not something you want to promote. Money does not come to you passively because you are a nice person or worthy. You have to take action.

 
At 1:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As someone who has eagerly purchased two AWAI courses and found that it requires lots and lots of work, and even then making all that money is not as simple as the ads make it out to be, I'm waiting to hear your answer to the first comment in this blog.

Thanks very much,
Leah

 
At 9:23 AM, Blogger BlankHeart said...

Couldn't agree more with your blog today, Michael.

 
At 11:36 AM, Anonymous Larry Dagna said...

I agree that the first ad is far better than the second, but the fact is that neither appeals to me because they both a part of the get rich quick school of ads that I therefore automatically ignore. What I've learned in just over 1/2 century is that you have to be able and willing to work at something for it to be fruitful - nothing comes from nothing.
I believe that KRINC is correct in that # 2 has an air of negativity that I also find unappealing, but both ads lose me right away as they promise alot for very little. The rule is that if something sounds too good to be true, then it probably isn't. Again, the appeal of these ads to the general public is verification of P.T. Barnum's statement regarding the birthrate of the gullible and I strive to not be a part of that crowd.

 
At 1:57 AM, Anonymous Peter Gillberg - Software Marketing Secrets said...

Thanks Michael,

You are making a very interesting point about "hypey" copy vs. lifetime value of the client. I wish we would see more copy aimed at building long term relationships.

It's also interesting to see that most of the blog comments are about the ad copy itself and not your "one good and useful idea".

Also thanks for letting us glimpse into the communication with ETR marketing staff.

 
At 11:52 AM, Anonymous David Morgan, Copywriter said...

Hey Michael --

Thanks for the compliment!

It's funny how the more authentic the copy is, the better the product sells.

But it's hard to write genuine copy -- which is why claims like the (hypothetically possible) $2,000 promise jump in there, and why I have an existential crisis from time to time.

I'm finding more and more, though, that if you can be both a cheerleader for the product while being realistic and addressing the cynic's objections, the product sells better.

Of course, writing copy like that isn't so easy.

David Morgan, Copywriter

 
At 6:33 AM, Anonymous Brad www.ideas2earn.com said...

I have worked in Telemarketing and Direct Mail within the Insurance industry. We noticed much higher cancellation rates when the sales pitch was hypey, or high pressure.

Given that most people don't think to go and buy insurance it has to be sold, but if customers then turn around and cancel it actually loses us money.

I'm glad you wrote this Michael as I have sometimes wondered about the ethics of your own business model, and how different it is to my day job. Given your guarantees on most products I would imagine that cancellations are also loss making for you?

Brad Emery
www.ides2earn.com

 
At 12:13 PM, Anonymous David Morgan, Copywriter said...

Brad -- I don't know about ETR's margins, but for information products in general, the margins are quite healthy.

Which means that, even if you have 4% returns or cancellations, you've made a mint. I imagine in insurance you have a lot more costs involved in the product itself.

It's surprising how few people make returns if the product fulfills on the promises made in the copy. Even if people never use the product, never even open it, there is a reluctance to returning it.

It would make for a good psychological study.

Eric Graham has blogged a bit about this here: http://www.conversiondoctor.com/conversion-blog/2007/raise-your-price-and-reduce-your-refunds/

 
At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Honest" or "sincere" advertising is basically an oxymoron. Only a crass commercialism, which has overtaken the entire globe, fails to see it. Hence the silly defense of the Lexus ad. Of course everyone knows one has to pay for the car; it is entirely beside the point. The ad remains what it is: an instance of a crass mentality.

 

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